Tampa and beyond...

Don't know if anyone is bothering to read this lame blog anymore, but I thought I would check in. I am typing to you from my hotel room in downtown Tampa, Florida, where it's been hot and muggy with some very spectacular thunderstorms in the late afternoon. I'm down here part of the National Emergency Number Association, a professional association of 911 industry professionals, the like of what I AM apparently. Anyway, been here doing classes and talking to vendors and having a blast networking and learning some new ideas that I can DEFINITELY use at the old OCFA. Speaking of which, check out that video in the next post down of me in a Public Service Announcement (PSA) back in 2001. My hair was actually ALL BROWN!!! What a concept!!!

I don't talk much about my personal faith on this blog, because it's personal, and the topic of religion and sprituality and all that usually turns people off. Based on who's talked to me about my blog over the last couple of years, it would be fair to say that some of you don't have any feelings in particular or are in some ways not believing in any kind of spirituality at all or certainly not of God in the traditional sense. Well, forgive me for broaching the subject, but I do believe in God and have for a long time. I don't pound people over their heads with it, I don't preach, I don't lay down vast judgements against people that don't believe like I do, and I certainly don't like to be treated any other way than how I believe I do treat people in regard to religion and faith and belief. Like I said, it's personal. And one's behavior is usually called into question when they wear their religious beliefs on their sleeves, making it easy to be the focus of illogical leaps of reason that cause people to say "Well, look at HIM, he's acting like an idiot, so all _________________ (insert name of religion) adherents must be that way!" That's where I stand with it. You either believe in God, you believe in SOMETHING out there but don't know what it is, or you don't and think it's all silly.

Fine.

Back to my beliefs. For those that think it's all silly, it would be very easy to argue that if I spend anytime praying that it's akin to me talking to myself. Or to a wall. But I do pray. Not often enough, but as of the last few months, moreso than I have say the several months before that. There are many things in my life that I won't go into great detail about that I believe need "divine help". I believe one of those prayers was answered just in the same style that God always seems to answer my prayers--very quietly, very subtley, and by using people.

I had the good fortune to run into a man who is a manager of communications center in the fine and beautiful state of Washington. He was in one of my classes this past weekend, and considering my normally outspoken, opinionated, loud, and sometimes humorous M.O., he gravitated towards me probably out of sheer curiousity as to what the hell was my problem (I'm being overly dramatic--he was actually in my small group as we tackled a problem as an exercise in this class). In any event, I ended up making friends with this very very funny and quite well spoken man who was here with one of his dispatchers from his agency, who I too met. We all seemed to hit it off, and I joined them for lunch and then later for dinner, and it was just typical convention/industry-related banter and humor (because I can't go anywhere and be serious).

As it turns out, we spent a lot of "off" time from the convention just hanging out, and truth be told considering I also like to be a loner (which is really a dichotomy--I'm the freakin' life of a party and can sustain vast amounts of "attention" by virtue of some of positions in life, but I need to be ALONE...weird...Hello, Dr. Freud???), it was actually nice to have someone to talk to considering I'm seperated by approximately 2500 miles from the four most important people in my life. And during our times together eating lunch or taking a walk after class or whatever (we actually went and saw Iron Man on Monday night if I'm not mistaken), these two guys would subtlely but plainly make it clear to me that they were Christian. They didn't cuss, they both talked glowingly about their wives and kids, and talked about other things using the word "faith" and "blessings" and "God's hand". So I knew that they both were different, in a good way though. Again--I keep mum about my religion and don't talk much about it to anyone unless someone is to ask, and then I'm more than willing to ramble on about it. But I've learned and matured and keep my comments to myself unless I'm asked.

IN ANY EVENT, this evening was our last night together. They both are going to a class tomorrow and I'm getting on a plane and heading home. They called me at about 8pm tonight, and left a message for me on my cell saying they were going to a pizza joint in the neighborhood of our hotel, and to come meet them if I wanted. I had eaten dinner earlier by myself and had gone for a 3 mile walk/job (because I'm a fat ass and I hate myself because of it--but that's another story!!!!), and so I wasn't really wanting to go out. I was more comfortable just watching TV and being quiet--the loner raises it's ugly head again. But something motivated me. Don't know what. Actually, I don't want to admit what it was that motivated me because I'll be thought of as a loon. But I think I was being given a very quiet and personal "nudge". I'll leave it at that.

So I put on a fresh set of clothes and headed out to the pizza place--a total dive with the biggest freakin' calzones I've EVER SEEN!!! They should be classified as small vehicles. They are HUGE. I wasn't hungry but I just sat and we talked and laughed and talked to a bum and talked and laughed...guy stuff. Normal. But these two were sharing ideas with me as they had been doing all week about things management-wise in the 911 industry that was very much appreciated and NEEDED by me.

But that's not the answer to the prayer.

The answer to the prayer came later, when we had sauntered back over to our hotel and sat in the lounge with our styrofoam cups of ice and old soda from the pizza place. And we talked about marriage and the importance of family and many other things that, well, to be honest, guys don't normally talk about. The American model of guyhoodedness would have us sitting there with beers, yapping endlessly about sports, or oogling at women walking by, or how much of a bitch our wives were. We weren't. And with great respect to a great group of guys that I DO hang around with at lunch sometimes back at work, it was refreshing for once. Here were two guys that honored their wives. Unheard of. And they honored NOT because they went on and on and on about how wonderful they were--it was by what they were NOT saying. They weren't bitching, they weren't whining...I mean, we ARE men and maybe a couple of funny humorous little things slipped out, but it was done in fun. And one of the guys recommended to me a book called "The Five Faces (or Languages) of Love" that supposedly is THE BEST BOOK TO HELP MARRIAGES GET STRONGER.

I need that book right now. Answer one.

Answer two came in the form of--now don't laugh--a rather deep discussion we were having about esteem and self-filters and who we really are and how people really see us. This post has already gone on long enough, so I'll try to wrap this up. But, what was said and how it was said was something I really needed to hear. I haven't heard what was said to me this evening before, and it got me realizing that, bottom line, I am quite horrible....to myself. Before anyone gets a chance to beat me up about anything, I'm usually already well underway, complete with boxing gloves and assorted tools, beating the crap out of myself. About what? WHATEVER. My shortcomings. My mistakes. My flaws. And the answer to a prayer came from someone who 5 days ago didn't know me from Adam.

I only share this not because you're going to fully understand or appreciate the gravity of what transpired tonight. I guess only I can actually "feel" that, and try as I might, the command of the English language doesn't guarantee that I would be able to convey that idea or feelings. But what I CAN convey....and I really really take a big chance typing this...but what I CAN convey, strongly, is that prayer works because there IS a God. There's nothing in the world I can do to make him love me anymore than he already does, and because he does, he does answer prayers. It was proven tonight to me--AGAIN--because I forgot recently. That's the end of my sermon. Appreciate you reading.