For crimeny sakes...can it get much better?

What planets are lining up NOW in my life?

My trip to Madison just got exponentially better.

CRIMENY!!!

(Side note--my dad used to say "Crimeny" all the time when I was a little kid. Now that I'm thinking about it, my parents used to say some very strange things. I'm wondering...were they REALLY human?? Like my dad...when he'd get mad, like, REALLY mad, he'd yell "JUDAS PRIEST!!!!" Dad...I'm 40 now...and look back and wonder what exactly were you meaning? And my mom...she used to call me "Rydeeboo", "Cutey Patootey Pie Pot Pumpkin Kid". But the creme' de la creme' of "WTF DID YOU JUST SAY?" sayings she used to spew out in times of great stress: "Oh for crying out loud in the night!!!" Mom--I know you've been gone since 1994, but really...WTF???)

Anyway--what was I saying? Yeah...Madison. If you all haven't been to this website, go there now. This one. No...THIS ONE. It's Drum Corps Planet. And the publisher/owner John Donovan...well...I'll just say he's a great guy, and he's taken it upon himself to make Ryan H. Turner's homecoming to Madison just a whole lot better than it was. And it was already stellar. Now if I can get his son a job at OCFA, I'll be REALLY cool!!! :-)

Speaking of OCFA, we're hiring...go HERE to see if you really want a chance to WORK FOR ME.

Now...I have some bad news. Actually, not bad news as much as extremely disappointing. Maybe disappointing isn't accurate. I'll go for infuriating. I ate at Pick Up Stix today with my boss. We were sitting have a nice discussion over hot steaming plates of Kung Pao Chicken the joys and challenges of being a supervisor/manager, when we noticed a mom and her 2 kids, about 4 and 2 get up from their table. She was busy yapping on a cell phone, because as you are well aware, it's a citizenship requirement of females in Orange County to have a cell phone mushed in their ear talking at the top of their lungs for at least 35% of their time out in public. While she was yapping on her cell, she'd yell out various commands and admonitions to her kids, like, "STOP!!!" or "STOP!!!" or a really interesting one..."HEY!! STOP!!!!!!!!" After a few...oh I don't know...THOUSAND times of hearing that, she and her brood were ready to take a hike. THANK GOD!!! But what was disappointing beyond the fact that she was clueless in general...

It was the mess she left. And dang if I didn't bring my cell phone, or I would have taken a picture of the ABSOLUTE mess that was left behind. Rice all over the floor and table, sauces everywhere, all three plates left, floor COVERED with napkins...wait, make that USED napkins...I mean...truly. It was UNBELIEVABLE. And there she goes, waltzing out of the Pick Up Stix, two kids in tow, CONTINUING to yap on the phone, COMPLETELY oblivious to what was going on around her. As I watched her leave, I looked at those two cute kids, and gave them about until they turned 5 or 6 before they would stop being cute, and turn into the holy TERRORS that their IDIOTIC mother was turning them into.

I'm no saint, and I may not be the best father in the world. But I will BE DAMNED if my kids EVER leave a mess like that, or worse...MUCH WORSE...I leave a mess like that and by my actions PROVE to them that yeah, it's ok to be a f----- pig and leave it for the "hired help" to pick up. And you WONDER WHY WE'RE APAF---INGTHETIC about our illegal immigration issues.

If it wasn't for my roots and my loyalty to the OCFA, I would leave this state behind me in the biggest damn dust cloud I could produce as I burned rubber to get the HELL OUT.

That's it...a nice post that just turned ugly...well, what the hell did you expect? ROSES?!!

Now get outta here until next time...

F------ California.

And Mel Gibson--can I make a suggestion, while I've got "California Dreamin' " on my mind? Just a little one. My wife does NOT watch the news, nor does she listen to the radio (although she used to be a fan of Bill Handel, and rightly so, to stay married to me), so, outside of the tidbits of crap she gets from AOL News (I can't believe I just combined the terms AOL and NEWS together--what a farce!), she's probably not aware of EVERYTHING that's transpired in your life over the last couple of days. And it's a good thing. She adores you. She thinks that perhaps if you were to walk on water, she'd give up that whole Mormon thing and come running to your feet. But you...well, from one man to another...can I make some suggestions?

1. SHUT THE HELL UP!!! No one CARES about your apology, and it's insincere anyway. JUST SHUT UP. No...REALLY. SHUT UP!

2. When you're married, have 7 kids, are a major proponet of the Catholic faith, and make one of the highest grossing movies that disgustingly shows the brutality of the Crucifixion and claim to do this because it's a way to express your faith...you may want to think twice about being in a bar/nightclub place, having your picture taking while obviously hammered (by facial expression alone, not to mention the fact that I could smell the booze coming THROUGH THE INTERNET off of you through those pictures), and being in the company of several different younger women. Regardless of your purity in the matter when it comes to being uhhhh...how do I say...TRULY adulterous, you may want to consider the whole "I think I may be making a bad impression" aspect of this. I know a long time ago I didn't think that way--and something "innocent" has hounded me to this very DAY. So...I speak from experience (shut up Jon!).

3. When I notice the credits for movies today scrolling by, I notice lots and lots and lots of Jewish names. It's a well-known fact--Jews are BIG in Hollywood. And there's not a thing in the world wrong with that. As a matter of fact, I'd venture to guess a Jew or two helped YOU make some money in your life time, and I bet you returned the favor to them. So--here's suggestion #3. Read suggestion #1, and then insert the words "....about Jews" after it. Just SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

4. True REPENTANCE does NOT mean write a press release and apologizing for your psychological issues, which you basically said you had to go "search" out. Again, read #1, and then realize that repentance takes ACTION, and if there's EVER a religious group on the face of the earth that EXPECTS ACTION...it would be the very people you were bad mouthing. Read #1, and then, I would suggest converting. That's about all you can do right now to make it even seem like you're seriously sorry. Throwing words around will only tell the normal everyday Jew...that you're full of shit.

5. For the LOVE OF GOD, get your shit together or my wife will become catatonic and our family will fail. Please.

That's all on this expanded version of this post...now GET OUTTA HERE!!! :-)